We could do worse, but why should we bother?

This year it was Rickie Lambert, the year before Grant Holt, and they can add their names to the esteemed company of Marcus Stewart, Clive Mendonca & John Stead.

The above are all strikers who shocked the Premier League by scoring goals, when everyone assumed they’d be as much use as a cocktail umbrella in a tropical storm.

They catch defenders out, usually with a combination of sharp elbows & a beer gut, and suddenly their name is on everyone’s lips.

“What a player Lardarse is, he uses clever movement (a massive shove) to evade the defender & then shocks the keeper by throwing his pint in his eyes, followed by a clumsy shin roller to the onion bag”

Before you know it people are saying “we could do a lot worse than pick them for England, I mean he’s 31, out of shape & had half a good season, but he’s currently scored as many as Rooney”

At this point I lose any romance, and start screaming (not literally I’m not really that bothered) “no, no a thousand times no, they’ve had one good year”

I don’t wish to diminish these players achievements, but there’s a very good reason they don’t get international call ups: they might be fine for a game or two, but they have almost no international future, so why bother?

When you’re picking an international footballer you should be looking to players who can realistically play 50 times for their country, not just a bloke who’s had a good season when nobody was really sure what to expect from them.

Sadly, the best players England have available currently play in the national team, and giving fat strikers a couple of caps helps us in absolutely no way.

All it ultimately leads to is a slot on a BBC 3 show about the worst England team ever & a striking berth alongside their brother in arms: Michael Ricketts.


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